Understanding and Managing Temper Tantrums in Children

Temper tantrums are a common way for young children to express their frustration and anger when they don't get their way or feel limited in what they can do. While it can be shocking to see your child become so upset, temper tantrums are developmentally appropriate in toddlers and preschoolers. As children grow and develop better communication skills, their angry outbursts should start to fade.

What's Normal and What's Not?

A typical tantrum can happen when a young child is tired, frustrated, or during daily routines like bedtime, mealtime, or getting dressed. What's not typical is when the outburst comes out of nowhere or is so intense that the child becomes exhausted. When tantrums become regular or involve any of the following behaviors, it may be cause for concern:

• Anger or unkindness toward people or objects in more than half of the child's tantrums

• Trying to injure themselves by biting, scratching, or banging their head

• Inability to calm down without being removed from the environment or promised something

• Having more than one tantrum per day on average

• Tantrums lasting more than 15 minutes

Causes of Temper Tantrums

Some typical triggers for tantrums include being unable to complete a task, not having the words to express their feelings, being ill, tired, hungry, or frustrated, wanting attention or a preferred object, and transitions. A child might also lash out regularly due to underlying conditions such as:

• ADHD

• Anxiety

• Learning disabilities

• Sensory processing issues

• Autism

• Disruptive behavior disorders like oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) or conduct disorder (CD)

Preventing Temper Tantrums

While you can't prevent every tantrum, there are steps you can take to reduce how many your child may have:

• Stay positive and focus on building a positive relationship with your child

• Plan ahead by packing snacks and toys and avoiding errands when your child is tired or hungry

• Be consistent with routines for meals, naps, and bedtimes

• Offer choices whenever possible to help your child feel more in control

• Identify and avoid triggers that are likely to cause a meltdown

• Reward good behavior with praise, special time with a parent, or letting your child make a choice like picking a movie

How to Stop Tantrums

When your child does have a tantrum, you can help them calm down by staying calm yourself, trying distraction with a toy or book, gently holding them if they are hitting or kicking, explaining the rules once they calm down, and ignoring the behavior while keeping them safe. Remember that shouting or responding angrily will only make the situation worse.

When to Seek Help

If your child's anger doesn't seem to be related to a developmental stage, lasts longer than a few weeks, or you feel like you can't handle it on your own, talk to your pediatrician. Other signs that your child may need help include causing injury to themselves or others, attacking adults, being sent home from school, concerns about the safety of those around your child, and having outbursts more than once a month despite going several days or a week without problems. Treatments can help reward good behavior and discourage bad behavior in children with medical issues.