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Understanding and Escaping Domestic Abuse: A Guide for Survivors
Medically reviewed by Oghenefejiro Okifo | MD, Harvard Medical School | Henry Ford Hospital - Detroit, MI on December 9th, 2023.
Domestic abuse is a pattern of controlling behaviors aimed at gaining and maintaining power over an intimate partner. It can happen to anyone, regardless of marital status, sexual orientation, socioeconomic background, race, or ethnicity. If you suspect you may be in an abusive relationship, know that you are not alone and help is available.
Types of Domestic Abuse
Abuse can take many forms beyond physical violence:
Physical abuse: Hitting, shoving, biting, forcing drugs/alcohol, denying medical care
Sexual abuse: Forcing unwanted sexual acts
Emotional/psychological abuse: Name-calling, shaming, blaming, criticizing, isolating from others, threatening harm
Economic abuse: Controlling finances, not allowing work or school
Certain groups may face specific types of abuse:
LGBTQ+ individuals: Targeting sexual identity, threatening to "out" them
Immigrants: Using deportation threats, preventing English learning or family contact
Disabled persons: Stealing disability payments, damaging assistive equipment, neglecting care
Pregnant women: Escalating abuse, risking miscarriage or labor complications
Recognizing Abuse
Abusers often try to shift blame, claiming the survivor is equally or more at fault. Remember, abuse is never the survivor's fault. Self-defense and resistance are not abuse. Over time, abuse can lead to low self-esteem, emotional stress, and even PTSD.
Steps to Escape Abuse Safely
Plan an escape route and stay near an exit during conflicts
Pack a hidden suitcase with essentials (clothes, medications, documents, money, etc.)
Keep a list of important contacts like shelters and safe friends/family
Alert trusted neighbors and establish a safety signal
Teach children an age-appropriate safety plan
Getting Help
If you need help or advice, confidential support is available:
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (24/7)
Chat live on www.thehotline.org anytime
Find a local domestic violence agency through the DomesticShelters.org search tool
Remember, you are not alone. Help and support are available to escape abuse and rebuild a safe, healthy life.
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